Empty in Happiness, Filled in True Happiness...

Happiness: a word that brings a bit of joy into our hearts just by considering it. When nothing goes wrong, when all trials are halted for a brief moment of rest, these are some of the times where it almost feels like we're walking blindfolded. Yes, I mean blindfolded. We love happiness. We love peace. Sometimes it's hard to see what could possibly go wrong when you're embracing this happiness, this peace.

Day after day with no troubles, you could walk into the same coffee shop and still not realize the problem. You go home, hang out with some friends, play some video games and do some other things. And then you end your day. As the days, months, years go by, you come to feel empty. Like there's nothing going on inside. You can't feel God working within you. You realize it. An inexplicable emptiness is what you feel inside your soul. Your "happiness" had just come to an end when you reach that inner turmoil. You feel you're reaching out in darkness, not knowing what's in front of you. You can't see the light ahead of you. It's disorienting. You've been blinded so long by the hours you've spent in your familiar coffee shop. You see nothing ahead of you, you feeling nothing inside of you, you think that you have lost God in all of this.

Happiness is a word that we all love. We love to embrace it. But that feeling of emptiness falls on you. Can you even think to know the reason? Suffering. Now that is a word no one entertains the thought of. We dislike feeling pain because it's what brings our family members to commit suicide, to engage in wrongdoings. It hurts us, brings tears to our eyes. Suffering is not the reason for this feeling of emptiness. In this time of happiness, we start to feel as if God isn't even there. Like He's decided you aren't worthy for Him. That's not true at all. Perhaps it's more of a thing that we can't see God in the midst of all of our empty feeling. Maybe our blindfold is so strong that we can't even see Him.

All this time, you've been living this period of time where nothing has gone wrong. Have you ever considered that happiness can be bad for your soul? What a way to take this into a confusing turn, I suppose. We've always known the word "happy" to mean something that will make us smile every day. Sure, you'll stil smile even after that sickness of emptiness starts to kick in... That is, you'll still smile as long as people are around. And we've always known that "suffering" has always been something that hurts us, something that will only bring us tears. You know... Let's just think about this.

God gives us trials to endure so that one day, instead of still feeding on milk like babies, we can chew solid food. God gives us trials to build us up so that we're not weak when dangers come our way. If we live a life purely of happiness, then we can lose sight of God and true happiness. True happiness come with suffering. True happiness comes with tears. Face it, you want a happy life, you're going to have to face everything you're afraid of. There are people out there who may have broken your heart. Be thankful to them. Now I bet this sounds a bit crazy, huh? But, no, be thankful to them because of the suffering they have given you, because in that suffering, you have come closer to true happiness. And let's face it, we won't be truly happy until we're in Heaven with God. :P

Happiness. Happiness is a word that is deceitful sometimes. I think happiness is not a feeling we truly understand. It's so fickle sometimes. One minute you're happy, and the next, you're sobbing in your pillow. When you realize that you've been lacking in suffering, you can see the light penetrating your blindfold. Eventually, God's gentle hands come and take that blindfold off once you realize that He is there, even when you start feeling empty in happiness. Empty in happiness, who would've though? Now, I'm not saying you should go out and bring suffering upon yourself. I'm not saying that if you're happy, then you're wrong. If you are happy, my advice is to spread it to those around you. Smiles are nice, but believe me, hugs are so much better. ;) At least if you're feeling empty in happiness, you can give others a piece of happiness to take home with them. You're accomplishing something in that task.

There's a flip side to the coin that perhaps Yuki or I will soon explain. Too much happiness can lead to that empty feeling. What a weird concept. However, it is not wrong to be happy either... It almost makes no sense, but it does at the same time. When you can see what's been blinding you, you can really learn just what mistakes are involved with your happiness. We can only try to understand happiness better. True happiness is hard to attain. We only know the happiness that leads to emptiness. Do you know where to find your true happiness? I know where. It comes from that Father sitting with His Son up in the skies. Let's try to reach for that True Happiness.

Trusting In God

Since we've talked about people breaking our trust, I feel that it's only fair we talk about when we feel God lets us down. I have struggled a lot with this and so it's very close to my heart. There are times when I feel that God has let me down, walked away, and is done with me. In the back of my mind, I know that this is far from true. However, when life gets rough and the world feels like it's crashing around me, all I can think of is how I am alone and abandoned.

I am imperfection at its finest. I will never be a perfect person. I will never be perfect at anything that I do. All I can do is strive and I know that even that will not be enough. It's hard for me to accept that I'm not going to be perfect or even close to it. It's hard to see the point of continuing a journey that seems entirely futile.

Yet, that's the beauty of it as well. Even in the midst of my pain and suffering, it's amazing to see the things that God has done to show me the joy and enternity that comes from this life. One of my favorite quotes of all times says; "I never said the journey would be easy, I just said it would be worth it." It's so true that it's not going to be easy. If it were easy, why would we need the forgiveness and grace that comes from God? Or if it wasn't worth it, why would there be such a rich reward at the end?

We struggle so much with people and trusting them. They betray our trust. They lie, cheat, steal, abuse, and take advantage of us. We're just pawns to them. It hurts. It always does. So when God isn't there like we need Him to be, it's easy to say that He is the source of our problem. We want to believe that there is a God who is there throughout all things, who will take care of us, who will make for us a place in His house. Yet, there's so many troubles in this world.

So why does it feel like God betrays us? It's partly our faults. We want someone or something to blame for the troubles in this world. We want there to be an explanation as to why it all happened. Every time we question and doubt, there's always a wedge that's placed between us and God. It's not that He's not there. He is. It's just that it's hard to feel His presence when there are all the doubts about Him. You are the reason why He sent His son on the cross. You are the reason He went through everything.

It hurts God just as much as it hurts us when we feel like He's not there and blame Him. We're the ones who are destroying our relationship with Him. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. When God calls us, He asks that we believe in Him, to put our faith in Him.

Faith is not about having all the answers for the trials in this world. It's not having the clear picture for our future, for His plan, and His design. Faith is about believing in something wholeheartedly in something that is not seen. It doesn't mean that we test the waters and if we decide that it isn't for us and turn away. It's something we have to believe in all the time, no matter how hard the times get.

I hope that you put everything in God, throughout the trials of this world. He'll be there for you. He'll catch you when you're falling and love you when you feel alone. But don't also forget that you are going to stumble and fall. You're going to make mistakes. God has grace and forgiveness for you. He has everything for you. :)