Prepare for Rain Part Two

I realized in the last post that I covered distractions keeping us prepared for rain. However, I didn't cover everything that could happen. There are times in our lives when we're struggling to keep hold on to our hope. There are times when we are holding on to what little we have and it doesn't seem like enough. We fear that we won't be rescued in time before we stumble completely and end up all alone in the darkness.

Froom personal experience, there have been times where the thread of hope that I've held on to started to break, and I did not know what I was going to do if nothing worked out for me. I had nothing to help me through that except for that thread. It was the only thing keeping me from ending up in darkness. There were times where I thought the thread broke and I had nothing, but it wasn't that it broke, it was that I couldn't see it anymore.

The thread was invisible and while I could still feel it, I couldn't see it. It's easier to believe that something isn't there when it's invisible. Because my heart convinced me that it was gone, I led my life the only way I knew how. I had closed everything off because there was nothing left. I was on my own. I was fighting for myself. I was trying to get myself out by looking for visible things that were merely a mirage.

They enticed, they campaigned, they drew me in because they were solid. I could see them, I could touch them, I could count on them to be the same. That wasn't true. However, because I had closed off, that was all I knew. I had stopped preparing for rain. I had stopped preparing for God to save me because I was onvinced He wasn't going to.

One day, I felt a small tug. I knew it was that thread again. I searched for it, tried to grasp on to it again, but it wasn't there. It was still invisible. It continued to tug and pull me away. It drew back to the point where I could feel it again. I could feel the coarse thread in my hands again. Every step I took closer to finding more of that thread, the thicker it got.

I opened my heart, I prepared it for God. I let Him dwell there. I just had to keep preparing to receive His help.

We all have our times where we're not sure where the thread is or watch with dismay as the thread starts to shrink. However, we have to keep preparing for God to come and change our lives. If we close off our hearts, He can't do anything unless it's prepared. It's like asking God to make for us a feast without providing the items required. We can't have everything from nothing. If we expect that, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Prepare for Rain

I'm looking for the answers,
but am looking in the wrong place.
I'm waiting for Your voice,
but am not listening to the call.
I'm holding on to hope,
but am letting it slip through my fingers.
I'm crying out for You to save me,
but am burying myself deeper.
I'm long for Your healing,
but am breaking my heart more.
I'm writing songs of praise,
but am thinking words of poison.
I'm seeking Your glorious face,
but am veiling my eyes with evil.
I'm wanting You to be near,
but am pushing you away.
I'm needing Your love,
but am closing up my heart.
(Written by Yukioh, 08/09/10)

Above is a list of contradictions in my life. I know exactly what I want. I know exactly who provides it for me, but I let distractions get in my way. I can see the answer, I can hear the voice, I can feel it in my heart. Yet, it is all set aside for what? Is there a reason why I do these things? Is this the reason why I suffer so much?

Perhaps it is. Perhaps it's just part of what everyone struggles with though. When we commit ourselves to Christ, we have several expectations. We know of the grace, love, and promises God gives us. We want all of those and expect them to fall into place. When they don't, we get angry. Our lives weren't supposed to be that way. Our lives weren't supposed to be filled with struggles, suffering, and emptiness.

So we ask ourselves where God is in our lives. We say we're trying. We say we're looking, but are we contradicting ourselves? We can say all that we want, but it comes down to our actions. How many nights have you spent in prayer, asking God for a small sign that everything is going to be all right? I've spent several. His sign, however, may not be the sign I'm looking for. It could be as simple as the dawn of a new day, showing us that He has given us another day for life, another day for Him.

Yet, we're so convinced that there's another sign. We keep looking, we keep waiting, but we're not prepared for it. As the movie Facing the Giants says, we have to prepare for rain. We're waiting for everything, but not prepared for when it happens or comes. Because we're not doing so, we end up with a list of contradictions.

We end up with the list of things in our lives that we've fallen prey to. We let other things consume us while we are waiting. So why do we wait for the Lord if we are not prepared? How can we better prepare for His arrival? And what can we do to make sure we don't let our hearts and minds get distracted in the mean time?

Broken Trust

There are times when we feel so cold in life, like there's nothing in our hearts even if we've given our hearts to our Savior. We lose faith. It becomes hard to put our trust in people, especially when we've been betrayed before. We tend to keep our feelings inward, deciding that humans aren't worth giving our trust. Trust is such a hard thing. We've been broken, we've been hurt. we've been empty.

I know that at some point in our lives, we all have struggled with these things in one way oranother. Trust is a hard thing for me. Thoughts like "Will they think I'm stupid for thinking this?" or "Will they abandon me once I tell them this?" have gone through my head more than once. And I'm sure they've gone through your at least at one point in your life. It's so hard to confide in people today. There's so much betrayal going around, especially in schools. Teens have the roughest time. We tend to struggle endlessly with drama. The drama within schools has made us, the teens, very unstable. We're afraid to confess our struggles to other people.

A writer's forum I'm on recently held a Moot, a writer's conference I guess you could say. Trust is such a struggle for me too. I keep my feelings inside, and it often leaves my heart feeling heavy. One day was all it took for me to let my barriers fall in front of the people at the Moot. The weight I had been carrying just rolled off my shoulders. I feel refreshed, someone new who came back from this place. It is so great when you can find that group of people who you can immediately put your trust into. God was looking out for me. He knew exactly what I needed.

Sometimes, it is not immediate that we find these groups of people who will listen to you and not betray you. Sometimes, we are meant to endure the pain of the broken trust. This experience of having our trust broken, I think, somehow builds us up for the rest of our lives. It's like the closet virus. We can't shove away the pain of the trust that was broken by someone in our lives. We can only endure it and try our best to help other people who also struggle with it. But that's still hard, isn't it? How can we help someone if we have no trust in anyone?

That's a matter of your own heart. In order to help anyone with broken trust, you have to have your own heart set out straight. Without trust, no one will be helped. Your heart must be in alignment with what you want to do. You can't remain distrustful of the people around you, especially if you want to help them. A word of caution out to you, however.... There are people who want to take advantage of your trust. They will use it to their own advantage and then drag you through the mud. And then they will leave you there, dirty and beaten, to die our in the rain. It's a painful road. Trust and distrust. What are we to do?

Ultimately, we are to trust in God. Psalm 62:8 says, "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Our God is our refuge, we can trust in Him at all times, and He will never betray us. We tend to miss this detail, skip over it like a section we don't like in a book. If we can put our trust in Him, then maybe we can be able to distinguish the good and the bad. Maybe we can find a way to put our trust into people instantly, like that one moment at Moot. It hurts at first when you let your guard completely down, but it's refreshing that we are able to do so. Without relieving ourselves of our pain, we break our hearts over and over.

I'm tired of my heart breaking. I want it to be in one piece in the hands of its Maker. After that experience at Moot, I hope that I will not let myself remain completely distrutful of people. There are people we can confide in. We don't have to do this alone, but we often try to which leads to our downfall. It will hurt, it will, but remember the relief you will feel afterward.

I leave this post at trust in the Lord. He will surely provide those who you can confide in. And if you struggle with a broken trust, then maybe you can join me in working on who we can pour ourselves out to. This journey is one that only God can help us on. We were made to trust a God higher than all, and so, we were also made to trust people.