Prepare for Rain

I'm looking for the answers,
but am looking in the wrong place.
I'm waiting for Your voice,
but am not listening to the call.
I'm holding on to hope,
but am letting it slip through my fingers.
I'm crying out for You to save me,
but am burying myself deeper.
I'm long for Your healing,
but am breaking my heart more.
I'm writing songs of praise,
but am thinking words of poison.
I'm seeking Your glorious face,
but am veiling my eyes with evil.
I'm wanting You to be near,
but am pushing you away.
I'm needing Your love,
but am closing up my heart.
(Written by Yukioh, 08/09/10)

Above is a list of contradictions in my life. I know exactly what I want. I know exactly who provides it for me, but I let distractions get in my way. I can see the answer, I can hear the voice, I can feel it in my heart. Yet, it is all set aside for what? Is there a reason why I do these things? Is this the reason why I suffer so much?

Perhaps it is. Perhaps it's just part of what everyone struggles with though. When we commit ourselves to Christ, we have several expectations. We know of the grace, love, and promises God gives us. We want all of those and expect them to fall into place. When they don't, we get angry. Our lives weren't supposed to be that way. Our lives weren't supposed to be filled with struggles, suffering, and emptiness.

So we ask ourselves where God is in our lives. We say we're trying. We say we're looking, but are we contradicting ourselves? We can say all that we want, but it comes down to our actions. How many nights have you spent in prayer, asking God for a small sign that everything is going to be all right? I've spent several. His sign, however, may not be the sign I'm looking for. It could be as simple as the dawn of a new day, showing us that He has given us another day for life, another day for Him.

Yet, we're so convinced that there's another sign. We keep looking, we keep waiting, but we're not prepared for it. As the movie Facing the Giants says, we have to prepare for rain. We're waiting for everything, but not prepared for when it happens or comes. Because we're not doing so, we end up with a list of contradictions.

We end up with the list of things in our lives that we've fallen prey to. We let other things consume us while we are waiting. So why do we wait for the Lord if we are not prepared? How can we better prepare for His arrival? And what can we do to make sure we don't let our hearts and minds get distracted in the mean time?